this time last year, i was adjusting to life after camp and let me tell you, it was ROUGH. there is nothing in this world like feeling completely in the center of God's will for your life. but then having to go back to what life was like before that experience is hard. don't let anyone fool you. there were a lot of tears. A LOT of tears. and a lot of time spent sitting in my room banging my head against the wall asking God why he would have shown Himself like that if i couldn't experience it forever. that transition for me was so hard that i vividly remember two weeks after coming home from camp (TWO WEEKS) my dad saw me start to cry (AGAIN) and he very kindly asked "are you ever going to stop crying about this?" that is how much of a mess i was.
the entire time i was in uganda, i was looking to that end day when i would have to say goodbye and i was growing more and more anxious about it. every time that feeling of dread would creep up in my heart, i would try to focus more on the present and be all in where i was at that moment. there was no reason for me to be upset about something that was six weeks away, right? well the closer we got to the close of our time as interns, the more anxious i would get. you have to understand. i had been mentally preparing for these two months for almost two years. this experience was something that i had longed for for so long and i was not ready for it to be over. at all. so the closer we got to august 1st, the more i would find reasons to stay in uganda. or i would beg my parents to let me take time off of school so i could live in uganda for a year. ANYTHING. i was desperate for someone to let me stay.
the last week we were there, my anxiety was at an all time high. when the missionaries asked us what they could pray for us, my answer was very easy: peace. that's all i wanted, even needed. i needed to know that God was still in control of my life. that He hadn't brought me to uganda and then forgotten about me. that He still cared about the details of my life that i so obsessively picked over. i needed to know that God loved me WAY more than i loved myself so then i could trust Him to make the path of my life straight. i needed to know that even though i was leaving the work He was doing at GSF and in uganda, He wasn't done with me yet. and He was still working no matter where i was or wasn't. so for a solid week, all i did was pray. that the peace of God that surpasses all understanding would guard my heart and my mind. that when i came back to america, i would be completely in the present. and i would see God even more evidently than i did before.
God is so faithful to do just as He promised.
my transition back to america has been emotionally exhausting. this past week, my grandfather passed away. just a few days after i got back. so don't get me wrong, there have been many times where i just collapsed and wanted nothing more than to be sitting down in the green grass by the toddler house with joseph's arms wrapped around my neck than deal with the emotional weight of all the transition this past week. but through it all, i have experienced peace like i have NEVER experienced in my life. so much so that i even asked my parents if there was something emotionally wrong with me, since i have been so much more calm at the end of this summer than the end of last summer.
going to uganda showed me that this is exactly what i want to do for the rest of my life. not necessarily GSF forever. but i want to be completely immersed in what the Lord is doing overseas. living life with those kids and working with their medical staff, i have never felt more in sync with what jesus called us as christians to do. there were lots of hard moments this summer but God showed me a glimpse of His heart and how His heart is for the people of this world. i have been away from GSF for two weeks and there is not a moment that i don't wish i was back. or miss the beautiful children i had the chance to befriend. but i am at peace knowing that God is holding all of them in His hands. He is protecting and guarding their hearts more than my physical presence could. so whether i am there or not, God still loves and cares for them. because that's where His heart is.
so because pictures speak louder than a thousand words, i wanted to leave you with these: my favorite pictures from the entire summer.
not every trip into the jungle was exciting - jungle cruise 2014.
my two fave babies: john and teddy.
walking to church with hope and maggie.
sweet shakira.
efrance's smile kills me.
some days i would walk past the toddler house while they were supposed to be napping, and i would hear a quiet "auntie annahbet". i would look toward the window and there would be my sweet joseph giving me the biggest grin.
sunday afternoon monkey hunting.
my fave. could you guess?
shenanigans with isanga and steven. basically all the time.
gosh. this kid stole my heart.
group potty time at the babies' house.
the intern hotel + the palace boys.
we love toddler play time selfies.
toddler house pile-up. the best time.
i miss him asking to climb on my lap.
sassy 24/7.
probably my most treasured picture of the entire two months.
selfies with matthew.
love my intern fam bam.
abby attacking me at the airport.
so glad someone got these reunions on camera.
can't believe my "baby" brother is taller than me now.
so much love for these two.
this experience is going to stay on my heart for a long time. when God opens your eyes to how much he loves the world, it is kinda hard to forget. it is my hope and prayer that you would stay connected to GSF and pray for them and their ministry with me. you can go like their facebook page by clicking here or you can visit their website by clicking here. you can learn more about their ministry and if God leads you, you can even sponsor one of the kids! if you are thinking about sponsorship, let me know because i have LOTS of pictures and videos and trust me, it won't take you long to fall completely in love. i am now sponsoring joseph and i am so excited to use that avenue to support their ministry and stay connected to my little bug.
thank you guys so much for all the prayers and support you gave me this summer. this summer was definitely a dream come true and it could not have happened without you guys back home. and PS i am taking up a love offering of frequent flyer miles so i can go back if you are willing to donate to my fund.
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