it keeps getting better and better..

did you just fall in love with that? because believe me, my heart breaks with happiness every time i watch that. i can't take credit for that video. i found it on another blog site but exciting news: i get to spend two months next summer (2014) working in uganda at this orphanage from the video!

let me give you some of the back story if you are just now tuning in: i applied for an internship at an orphanage in uganda for the summer of 2013. to my dismay, jesus closed the door to going to africa that summer and instead opened the door for me to go work as a camp counselor at camp cedar cliff in asheville. so thankful that God knows the whole picture of my life because i definitely needed to be at camp last summer. i absolutely LOVED being there and man, did He teach me a whole lot. sidebar: if you are feeling called to love on kids and show them jesus 24/7 and then have God show you exactly where you need to grow like being more patient or not letting your pride take over you, then GO TO CAMP! camp cedar cliff became my family this past summer and they are doing something so special in those mountains. end of sidebar.

fast forward to this year.. i was sitting in chapel one wednesday this fall listening to mark batterson speak. he was telling us about how we should be going all in for christ and how we shouldn't tell jesus to follow us when we need to be leaving everything behind and following Him! then my phone rang but not out loud because that would have been embarrassing. it was an email from the orphanage offering me a spot on their intern team this coming summer. just like that. without reapplying. when i least expected it, God flew open doors. what happened next is another little lesson for life here. a little fortune cookie moment in my life. i looked at the email and silently laughed to myself and said "yeah right." let me tell ya folks, fear can make you do some pretty crazy things. here it was: what i had been praying about for almost two years and i could finally say yes and go. but fear is a powerful thing and it is totally capable of making bad decisions for you. so i did what every good christian girl does in situations like these: i hid behind the excuse of praying over the decision one more time and looking for signs. guys: if God gives you an opportunity that is ultimately going to bring glory to Him and His kingdom, don't let your fear of the unknown hold you back. if He brought you to it, He will bring you through it. trust that the God that parted the Red Sea, and fed 5000 people from little, and defeated death for us can handle the unknowns in your life because good news: it isn't unknown to Him! praise!!

but when God calls us to follow him, he doesn't say "hey if you are scared you get a free pass on this one." no. he equips us to go face it head on. and now that i am in the preparation process to go, i can honestly say i have never been more excited about anything! i get to spend all summer loving on kids and working in their medical clinic on site which i am currently in school to do. WOW! when paul said God was able to do immeasurably more, he wasn't kidding. so now, i would love to invite you to join this journey with me. right now i am in the process of raising support: in prayer and finances. soon, i will put up more information about my trip specifically but for right now, i would just ask you to be praying for GSF and the team that they are building right now. there will probably be about 5 of us interns and they are still in the process of praying over those spots and deciding on the best possible team. be praying for their ministry there in uganda too! i am so excited to be able to go just so i can see firsthand how they work as an organization. that's a whole other blogpost but for more information on Good Shepherd's Fold Orphanage click here. i will definitely be sharing more about their ministry and all they do as we get closer and closer to takeoff time! man, God is so good and i cannot wait to see what these next few months leading up to this trip hold. it's going to be so good and as always, immeasurably more.

i fell in love this summer.

hey guys. i'm back! yes. this girl did survive a summer of bears, ticks, campfires, and lots of little children. surprising i know. even to me. i have been home now for 4 days and here is the burning question i have for myself: how do i even begin to tell people about the most perfect summer of my life?

before i left for camp, God put 2 Corinthians 12:9 on my heart. "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." i had no idea why He had put this on my heart. i really did feel confident in my abilities to be a camp counselor. but then i got to camp and all of a sudden my life became about weakness. to start off i became physically weak when i dislocated my kneecap playing a camp game. it really doesn't sound like that big of a deal but the repercussions of what happened lasted all the way until almost week 5. it was a time in my life where i had to physically rely on God to give me the strength to get through a day. especially when i had campers and all i wanted was to be able to give them 100% of myself. then i started feeling spiritually weak and attacked. i have never experienced spiritual warfare like i did when i was at camp. feeling completely inadequate to do the job you were given first of all. and wondering what i was even going to say or do to point these kids to christ. that's when God's truth hit me and was like "DUH HANNAHBETH. YOU ARE INADEQUATE. you are human and apart from me, you can do NOTHING." finally coming to the realization that God was all i had and all i needed, i became more satisfied and more joyful than i think i have ever been in my life. 

now that we are all home from camp, the word i would use to describe my life now is "processing". for seven weeks i did the same thing every day. for seven weeks i knew that saturday night i would be eating tacos. i knew i would be throwing all of my energy into pool olympics and adventure ball on mondays and for the last two weeks of the summer tuesday nights were campout nights. i knew that i could be me without anyone judging me or laughing at me cause who does that at camp? i knew that lifting my hands in worship was a way to show God you were giving it all to Him rather than being noticed by your peers. i knew i could always go to the comfort cabin the second i was feeling down in the dumps and superwoman laura would be there to offer me solid advice and point me back to jesus. i knew that on thursday night i would watch and be amazed as i heard how jesus had worked in campers' lives and i would eat an ice cream sandwich as we all watched the camp video for that week and chanted willis' name. the only way to describe my life for seven weeks is that it was easy and safe. i was protected by the confines of camp. and let me tell you i was completely okay with staying protected and safe within the walls of camp.

but unfortunately God has a sense of humor and He had me praying a prayer to Him through a song unbeknownst to me for the entire seven weeks i was at camp. we sang a song all the time called "oceans" by hillsong. love that song so much. it speaks to my soul. but in the bridge the song says "spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. let me walk upon the water wherever you may call me. take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior." my best friend julia said this before me so what i'm about to say is her wisdom not mine. but it is still so very true. for seven weeks i prayed that God would take my trust to a place that had no borders. and for seven weeks i was completely okay with never leaving the borders of camp. but i had to leave. i was called to leave. i'm not supposed to live this life in the good and comfortable. i have to go back and return to my life in a broken and confused world. because the lessons i learned at camp changed me. and this time where my trust is leaving the confines of my safe place is where i will go deeper than my feet could ever wander. because God has me by the hand.

i fell in love on a mountain this summer. i fell in love with how easy and free it was to talk and pray with the amazing people i did life with this summer. i fell in love with camp worship. i fell in love with the way the mountains look from the welcome pavilion and i fell in love with the still quiet in the woods as you try to build a fire on campout morning. i fell in love with every gorgeous sunset that was painted over the mountains. but i also fell in love with the Creator who made the mountains and the still quiet and the sunsets. sure i loved Him before i went to camp. but now i know beyond a shadow of a doubt where my satisfaction and joy comes from because i was given that this summer. and for that i will be eternally grateful for the confines of my safe and happy place. even if i'm not called to stay there forever.

immeasurably more than i could ask or imagine.

so i'm seeing a trend here. all of my blog posts are done around 1 in the morning while i'm procrastinating on school work. well i am currently doing all the above so it seemed a fitting time to write. plus i haven't shared with y'all my incredible news.

I GET TO SPEND MY SUMMER AS A SENIOR COUNSELOR AT CAMP CEDAR CLIFF!

guys. i absolutely cannot contain my excitement. God obviously knew what he was doing because i have had so much positive affirmation that i'm supposed to be there this summer. it is the wildest thing. and to top it all off: ethan got a job at cedar cliff too! so that means I GET TO SPEND AN ENTIRE SUMMER SERVING WITH MY BROTHER! like whaatt? this can't be real life!? am i really going to get blessed that much? obviously god had immeasurably more planned than i could ever ask for!!

let me just tell you how faithful god has been throughout this process. cause if you don't know, He is unbelievably faithful. ethan encouraged me to get an application this past september. so i got one but honestly, i only did it for him. i wasn't into it at all. i really didn't think camp was going to be my summer. so i kinda filled it out, kinda didn't. lots of time passes and i forget all about it. around the beginning of february, i get a call from ethan. he frantically tells me to get all of my application in because they have an interview day that coming saturday. around this time, i had just been told that i couldn't go to africa so i was feeling a bit wounded. i didn't want to be home in columbia all summer (sorry mom & dad) so i finished the packet and sent it in.

i get a call from CCC the very next day. "hey hannahbeth. we got your packet and if you can, we would love for you to come to the interview day this saturday with ethan." as i listen to this voicemail, im starting to get a little anxious. it's tuesday and they want me to come saturday? i didn't even know if camp was going to be my thing. long story made a little shorter: ethan couldn't go to that interview day so i had to go by myself. my anxiety now is through the roof. so i went all the way to asheville..by myself..at 7 in the morning. but guess what happened while i was there?

i fell in love with camp.

everyone was amazing and so welcoming and i felt like i had found a home there. then all i had to do was wait. again, god is so faithful and everything fell into place for me to be able to go to camp.

this past week, we got all of our paperwork to make our employment official. honestly, i have never been happier to fill out paperwork in all my life. i got it and started working on it right away. but as i was looking at it, the reality of what i was signing up to do started to sink in. what was i doing? i have never been a camp counselor before. i don't know how to be a counselor. what makes me think i could be a counselor for these kids? still feeling anxious, i go to the library to work on homework. after i got there, a guy that i know at school comes over to my table. he works at winshape camps during the summer. he comes over and just starts telling me all about his camp experience. he tells me all about leading kids to christ and how much it has changed his life. not even ten minutes after that conversation, another guy i know from school comes over to my table. he has worked at seesalt for several summers. he starts telling me all about his camp family and how the people he met at camp are people that he stays in touch with to this day. he tells me all about how camp has changed his life and how he wouldn't be where he is now without camp.

so right about now, i'm looking at god saying "okay i realize you have me going to CCC for a reason. and it's not going to be me. it's going to be all you." but the story doesn't end there (even though i'm pretty sure you are wishing it did).

i get back to my dorm room and get on facebook and i have a chat message from one of ethan's counselors from last summer. he is going to be on staff again this summer and he asked if i was excited. at this point, i am floored by god's greatness and faithfulness. to already be seeing future community in my camp family is definitely more than i ever imagined.

needless to say: i think i am ready to be a counselor this summer. not because of me, but because i know god's got this one. he is going to be there every step of the summer and i cannot wait to see what he does with it.

what if God's plan for me isn't my plan for me?

hey guys. it's me. miss control freak.

i haven't written a lot lately mostly because i was dealing with some disappointing news. i was told that i would not be going to africa this summer.

have you ever believed in something so wholeheartedly then to learn that it wasn't reality. well i truly believed that God wanted me in africa this summer. i was looking up plane tickets and planning immunizations and in my heart and soul, i was on my way to africa. until i got that email on february 2nd. as i read it, i almost laughed. like this was some joke. guys, God told me i was going to africa so why would they email me and tell me i couldn't go? i spent the rest of that weekend in a daze. like maybe i would be contacted soon that it was all a mistake and that i would spend my summer loving on those precious children.

what if God's plan for me isn't my plan for me?

i wanted, more than anything before in my life, to be in africa. i even hinged other lacking opportunities in my life to the fact that i would be in africa for a summer. but what if God had something greater planned for me than i could even imagine for myself.

do i have the faith to trust that god cares more about my life than i do?

my mother said something extremely wise that i have been thinking over since i heard this news. when i told her about this, i was so upset because i had put so much out on the line to be willing to go. i have a HUGE fear of losing the people closest to me, especially my family. and it was a big deal to be able to say that i could leave them and have little contact with them for two months. i was heartbroken at this news. and she told me, "maybe God is asking you to have faith and show that, even in the hard times, you are willing to follow Him." God had asked me to step out in faith and put my summer on the line, but that doesn't mean that he was going to give it to me. this was an exercise of my faith. could hannahbeth really leave everything behind and follow me wherever i asked? the answer was yes. i could go to africa if he asked me. so now here is my current test: can i trust that God has a beautiful plan for my life? beautiful in that ultimately my life will bring him the most glory. and the answer is yes. the opportunity to go to africa showed me that i was willing to put myself out there and trust god. not being able to go showed me that i could step back and still trust that God loves me more than i love myself.

so do i believe that i worship a good God after everything? yes. of course. because maybe what he has planned for this summer will result in more glory for Him than if i had gone to africa. and in the end, that's what i want. more than i want to be in africa.

blessed beyond belief

it is so hard living in america sometimes. it is very easy to get frustrated with the food in the caf and the lumps in my bed. or having to take a cold shower. for the past week, i have found myself complaining about trivial things like this. then today i caught myself in the most superficial complaint ever.

remember back to when you were younger and you had a plateful of food that you didn't like or just didn't want, what did your mom usually say? "eat your food. there are children in africa that aren't able to eat like this." honestly, whenever i heard that i didn't usually respond in a positive way. i usually thought "well if they were here, THEY could have my yucky food."

mom wasn't lying. there are people all over the world that are not nearly as blessed as i am. it is so easy to forget that there are people that jesus told us to love and care for. what's even more unbelievable is that i am a witness to this kind of poverty. i have seen people living in the side of a building with a cardboard roof over their head. i have seen people in dumpsters looking for food.

wow. can we take a second to think about everything we have been blessed with? i have three meals a day ALREADY PAID FOR. i don't have to worry about whether or not i will eat that day. i have a bed in a room with heat and air conditioning. i have options on what to wear every day. i don't have to wash said clothes by hand. and let's not even mention all of my electronics.

but you know what else i have witnessed? those people that are living in the side of buildings and are looking for food in the dumpsters? they are the most generous people i know. some of them have literally nothing and yet they have given me some of my most treasured gifts.

why is it that it makes me cringe to give something to someone else? my blessings have made me selfish. this convicts me to the core especially since i know what jesus had to say about my heart (matthew 19:21; luke 14:33).

i guess, my challenge to myself and anyone who reads this is that "to whom much was given, of him much will be required.." (luke 12:48) god didn't bless us so that we could enjoy it all for ourselves. look for someone that you can bless this week. just like christ blessed you.