entering blogging teenagedom.

i feel like this is about to be a big step towards my social media maturity. if you have spent anytime around me then you know that i LOVE social media and seeing how the world interacts with each other on the web. so making a blog was a really easy step because it's an amazing platform for people all around the world to read your thoughts. and in my case, it's usually what God has been teaching me. but now it is time to grow up a little bit and more into bigger and better things.

so with that being said: my blog is moving! YAY! from now on, i will be posting on:

http://hannahbetha.wordpress.com/

all of my old posts are on the new blog and i will be adding a new post so very soon! check it out. i'm super proud of it.

seasons.

life is completely made up of seasons.

deep thought for this monday morning, i know. for the audience that i think this blog has, the seasons of life are pretty obviously split up by school semesters. we attended high school, then graduated. then entered the best four years of our lives known as college. but as with every season, after four years (or five if you took a victory lap), college comes to an end and we look forward to what is next. bc y'all know i love lists, i wanted to give y'all what i have been learning the past few months about transitions and seasons.

six things i learned about seasons (the hard way):

1. transition is inevitable. you can try to change it or stop it from happening but you can't stop the seasons of life anymore than you could stop fall from turning into winter. it just happens. you didn't expect to stay a baby forever. you learned to walk and experienced new freedom that comes with that! no one stays in the middle school stage forever. thankfully, Jesus is the God of redemption and doesn't leave us there forever. we move on and grow and it's just the way it is.

2. it is okay and natural to move on and embrace a new stage of life. when i was a senior about to graduate high school, i hated the idea of moving on. all of my friends were thrilled to be leaving high school and moving on to college and i was completely fine never leaving my comfort zone. on graduation day, i walked across the stage, got my diploma, sat down in my seat, and started bawling. but going to college, i was determined to make the most of my college experience and just a few weeks after moving in, i couldn't imagine my life looking any different. God knew the plan for my life and knew i was supposed to be at AU. it just took my human nature time to catch up. it's okay to love where God has put you right now.

3. but it is also okay to mourn and reminisce about the passing of a season. transitions are rough. i wrote a little bit about my most recent transition in a past blog post (coming down off the mountain). since you can read that post for yourself, i won't rehash it but basically my whole life has been about transition. brief synopsis: at nine, i moved to china. at fifteen, i moved back to america and started high school (YIKES). at seventeen, i went to ecuador for the first time. at eighteen, i moved to college. at twenty, i became a camp counselor. and at twenty-one, i went to uganda for two months. whew. basically to say, in my life, i have worn many hats. just because you are moving on to the next thing God has for you does not mean you have to completely forget what you have come through. i couldn't forget my memories even if i tried. all those life experiences made me who i am today. so much of those experiences built on top of each other to prepare me for the next stage of life. i miss the times where life was easier and sometimes i remember the good times and bad times to remind myself what God taught me in that stage.

4. there are lessons you will learn in certain seasons that you couldn't have learned any other time. specifically for me, there were things that i had to learn the summer i was a camp counselor before i could have gone to uganda. if i had switched the two summers, i would not have been equipped for either experience. God specifically brings you to certain seasons so that you can learn things you would not have seen otherwise. all the lessons God teaches you in your life will bleed over into other seasons. learn them and carry them with you.

5. no matter how short or long a season is, it is still a part of your story and it is still important. the two months i spent in uganda are just as special to me as the five years i lived in china. the same could be said about the week i spent in ecuador and the four years i spent in college. quantity does not equal quality.

6. God is just as faithful in the transition as he is in the season. He is so unbelievably good to bring people and circumstances in your life to encourage you that this is the next season for you. and that the next season is right. leaving uganda and going back for my last year of college, as hard as that was to do, was right. and God has been so faithful to bring people to speak truth into my life. my graduation application is due a week from today. and as hard as it is to comprehend that next year i won't be back at anderson with my best friends, i know this is right. i was not made to stay in college forever. God has created a purpose for my life beyond these four years where i have made myself the most comfortable. 

God promises to be with you through every stage. not only will He be there, but He knows ahead of time what will happen and is working to your best interest and the interest of His greater plan and ultimately His glory. i recently found a verse in deuteronomy that has spoken so much hope and comfort into my life. 

"the Lord your God is going ahead of you. He will fight for you, just as you saw Him do before.." Deut 1:30

if you are stressing out about moving into the next stage of your life like i have been (shoutout to PT school applications), then take hold of that verse. God knows what you need more than you do. not only does He know what you need, he is an advocate for you. and He is fighting for you. we don't need to worry about if He is going to do this because we are already witnesses to His goodness. we have seen Him fight for us and make our paths straight before. "the Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right." (Psalm 84:11) what is right is to follow jesus and let Him take the wheel. (excuse the carrie underwood pun) man, didn't expect my monday morning musings to get that deep.

coming down off the mountain.

coming down from any mountain experience is difficult.

this time last year, i was adjusting to life after camp and let me tell you, it was ROUGH. there is nothing in this world like feeling completely in the center of God's will for your life. but then having to go back to what life was like before that experience is hard. don't let anyone fool you. there were a lot of tears. A LOT of tears. and a lot of time spent sitting in my room banging my head against the wall asking God why he would have shown Himself like that if i couldn't experience it forever. that transition for me was so hard that i vividly remember two weeks after coming home from camp (TWO WEEKS) my dad saw me start to cry (AGAIN) and he very kindly asked "are you ever going to stop crying about this?" that is how much of a mess i was.

the entire time i was in uganda, i was looking to that end day when i would have to say goodbye and i was growing more and more anxious about it. every time that feeling of dread would creep up in my heart, i would try to focus more on the present and be all in where i was at that moment. there was no reason for me to be upset about something that was six weeks away, right? well the closer we got to the close of our time as interns, the more anxious i would get. you have to understand. i had been mentally preparing for these two months for almost two years. this experience was something that i had longed for for so long and i was not ready for it to be over. at all. so the closer we got to august 1st, the more i would find reasons to stay in uganda. or i would beg my parents to let me take time off of school so i could live in uganda for a year. ANYTHING. i was desperate for someone to let me stay.

the last week we were there, my anxiety was at an all time high. when the missionaries asked us what they could pray for us, my answer was very easy: peace. that's all i wanted, even needed. i needed to know that God was still in control of my life. that He hadn't brought me to uganda and then forgotten about me. that He still cared about the details of my life that i so obsessively picked over. i needed to know that God loved me WAY more than i loved myself so then i could trust Him to make the path of my life straight. i needed to know that even though i was leaving the work He was doing at GSF and in uganda, He wasn't done with me yet. and He was still working no matter where i was or wasn't. so for a solid week, all i did was pray. that the peace of God that surpasses all understanding would guard my heart and my mind. that when i came back to america, i would be completely in the present. and i would see God even more evidently than i did before.

God is so faithful to do just as He promised.

my transition back to america has been emotionally exhausting. this past week, my grandfather passed away. just a few days after i got back. so don't get me wrong, there have been many times where i just collapsed and wanted nothing more than to be sitting down in the green grass by the toddler house with joseph's arms wrapped around my neck than deal with the emotional weight of all the transition this past week. but through it all, i have experienced peace like i have NEVER experienced in my life. so much so that i even asked my parents if there was something emotionally wrong with me, since i have been so much more calm at the end of this summer than the end of last summer.

going to uganda showed me that this is exactly what i want to do for the rest of my life. not necessarily GSF forever. but i want to be completely immersed in what the Lord is doing overseas. living life with those kids and working with their medical staff, i have never felt more in sync with what jesus called us as christians to do. there were lots of hard moments this summer but God showed me a glimpse of His heart and how His heart is for the people of this world. i have been away from GSF for two weeks and there is not a moment that i don't wish i was back. or miss the beautiful children i had the chance to befriend. but i am at peace knowing that God is holding all of them in His hands. He is protecting and guarding their hearts more than my physical presence could. so whether i am there or not, God still loves and cares for them. because that's where His heart is.

so because pictures speak louder than a thousand words, i wanted to leave you with these: my favorite pictures from the entire summer.

not every trip into the jungle was exciting - jungle cruise 2014.

my two fave babies: john and teddy.

walking to church with hope and maggie.

sweet shakira.

efrance's smile kills me.

some days i would walk past the toddler house while they were supposed to be napping, and i would hear a quiet "auntie annahbet". i would look toward the window and there would be my sweet joseph giving me the biggest grin.

sunday afternoon monkey hunting.

my fave. could you guess?

shenanigans with isanga and steven. basically all the time.

gosh. this kid stole my heart.

group potty time at the babies' house.

the intern hotel + the palace boys.

we love toddler play time selfies.

toddler house pile-up. the best time.

i miss him asking to climb on my lap.

sassy 24/7.

probably my most treasured picture of the entire two months.

selfies with matthew.

love my intern fam bam.

abby attacking me at the airport.

so glad someone got these reunions on camera.

can't believe my "baby" brother is taller than me now.

so much love for these two.

this experience is going to stay on my heart for a long time. when God opens your eyes to how much he loves the world, it is kinda hard to forget. it is my hope and prayer that you would stay connected to GSF and pray for them and their ministry with me. you can go like their facebook page by clicking here or you can visit their website by clicking here. you can learn more about their ministry and if God leads you, you can even sponsor one of the kids! if you are thinking about sponsorship, let me know because i have LOTS of pictures and videos and trust me, it won't take you long to fall completely in love. i am now sponsoring joseph and i am so excited to use that avenue to support their ministry and stay connected to my little bug.

thank you guys so much for all the prayers and support you gave me this summer. this summer was definitely a dream come true and it could not have happened without you guys back home. and PS i am taking up a love offering of frequent flyer miles so i can go back if you are willing to donate to my fund.

uganda: week seven.

i can hardly believe it. this is my last weekly update. i have five more days in uganda but by the time it comes for another update i will be back in the good ol’ USA. i can hardly put this experience in words. thankfully, i have many pictures and videos that will hopefully tell the stories for me upon my return. i thought about doing another weekly highlights list but the more i thought about it, the more i wanted to share things that i never want to forget. 

• absolutely for a fact number one on my “please don’t forget” list is the joy that swells in my heart when i walk past the toddler house and a certain little boy screams “AUNTIE HANNAH BETH” and runs full-force to me. and when he jumps into my arms and kisses my cheek with a big “mwah” and then looks at me with the biggest eyes and waits for me to say “i love you bugaboo” to which he replies “i love you my auntie hannah beth”. be still my heart. it is always the brightest spot in my day.
• second on my list to not forget would be the walk from house 1 to the guesthouse. to be honest, it’s a pretty short walk and could probably be done in 3 minutes. but when you walk past all of the kids houses’ to get to yours the walk turns into a 30 minute affair. you are constantly stopped to hug children and hear about their day and ask what they are eating for dinner and what they learned in school that day. it is the greatest to walk between houses greeting everyone on the porches. 
• i never want to forget what it is like to worship here. worship here is so free. i don’t feel like i have to perform or act a certain way. and the songs here are top notch. we sing songs in church like “jesus is the winner-man and satan is the loser-man” and “shake that body that jesus gave you. shake that body in the name of the lord.” absolutely. i can shake my body in the name of the lord. 
• i also never want to forget the level of contentment that is here among so many people. in america, i find myself getting caught up in petty desires when i need to remember how blessed i am. i NEVER have to worry about where my next meal is coming from or if i will have a good pair of shoes or if the power and water will be on that night. i always have more than enough and yet i struggle with being content. there is such a peace in being with people that are satisfied in what the lord has blessed them with. 
• i definitely don’t want to forget working in the office. there were so many moments of laughter and stories among the interns and employees that are normally in the office. 
• i also don’t want to forget what it is like to be prayed for here. in sunday school today, some of my kids thanked me for my time here and that i would give time to come teach them. and then in church, the interns were asked to come forward and people came and surrounded us and prayed for us as we journey back to america this week. the phrase i want to remember and pray forever is “just as they were given to us for a time, we give them back to you and ask that you would direct their steps.” yes lord. make it so.

so many more things i don’t want to forget: laughter, stories, quotes. this experience will stay on my heart forever. i am excited to come back but it comes with a price on my heart. i’m coming back a different person than when i left. and i wouldn’t want it any other way. see you in five days, america. 

uganda: week six.

two weeks from today. two weeks from today, i will be home in america. i cannot believe time has gone by this quickly. at the beginning, looking at eight weeks away from my family, i thought i would be in uganda forever. but now that we are at only two weeks left, only fourteen days, i am really sad it’s coming to an end. it’s a mix of emotions actually because i never want to leave these kids and the work happening here but i miss my family and friends back home. by realizing that my time left here is so short, i was given more motivation to experience a lot this week. i want my last days here to be full and this week did not disappoint. so here you have it; the week six highlights!

• this past sunday was the world cup final. now i don’t know how you watched the final game. to be honest, if i had been in america, i probably wouldn’t have even watched the game or i would have gone to a party with lots of food and a huge TV. my experience here in uganda has obviously been a little different. to watch the world cup final, a bunch of the missionaries, some of their kids, and the interns drove about ten minutes away to the village of kikube to watch the game at one of the teachers’ house. now this house is about 9 feet by 11 feet. smaller even than my room in america. and we watched on a maybe 24 inch TV. at one point, i looked around the room and counted 17 of us total but no one complained or argued. it was so great to be together and have a place to even watch the world cup. there is such a blessing in the people around you being content with what they have.
• on monday, i went into jinja children’s hospital with our american nurse here to observe her. this week was her last week at the ugandan hospital so that she could obtain her ugandan nursing license. i got to observe in a new ward that day but she took me on a tour around the entire hospital. i left feeling a little “traumatized” in her words. i don’t think i could explain to you how heartbreaking the medical system is here. and the entire time i was there, i just kept hoping and praying that the people i have met here and fallen in love with don’t use the type of care i saw that day. she also took me to jinja main hospital where she worked for four weeks. same heartbreaking story, just this time with adults. it was definitely a hard day to process.
• i also learned how to drive the ATV on monday! i got back from the hospital and two of the GSF guys knew i had been dying to learn so they took me around campus! it was great to mark one of the first things off my african bucket list.
• on tuesday, a bunch of us climbed the water tower! it was an amazing view!! you can pretty much see all of campus from the tower. it was such a neat experience to look over the land that God has blessed GSF with and to think of all the amazing things that happen all over this campus on a daily basis. it is also a really good way to look at the campus that you do life in all the time and feel really small. even from that short distance.
• on wednesday, because my parents begged, we took a break from doing daredevilish things.
• on thursday, auntie claudia (my adoptive mom) took me, kaitlin, and her kids to get street food in the neighboring village of nyenga. on the way back to GSF, we climbed up onto her roof rack and cruised through the sugarcane fields. if you have never driven through the sugarcane fields at sunset on top of a landcruiser in africa, i highly suggest you put it on your bucket list. easily one of the best moments of my internship so far. 
• on friday, the interns were in charge of campus! the missionaries and ugandan managers had a leadership retreat so that left the interns running the office. does that scare you a little bit because i don’t think you were the only one. luckily it was a very quiet day in the office for us.

God has been so faithful this entire trip to provide just what i need when i need it: whether that is rest or encouragement or a phone call from home. and i know and believe that for the last two weeks, He will continue to do the same. i am ready to be home but i am not ready to leave. does that make sense to you? okay good. me neither.

uganda: week five.

comparison is the thief of joy. i will be honest: i don’t know who said that but boy, is it ever true. comparison takes away our ability to see how blessed we are. this week, i found myself comparing my experiences and my struggles here and losing sight of how blessed i am to be here. this summer isn’t like any summer i have ever had. i can’t expect it to be like my other summers. i can’t expect my intern experience to be like past interns. when i start to compare my circumstance to others, i lose myself in a world of “what if?” instead of enjoying what God has given me now. God showed up big time this week. but if i had let myself become lost in my comparison, i would have missed it. that was such a temptation for me this week but i am pleased to tell you that i still have the week five highlights!

• this past sunday, the teenagers and the interns became monkey hunters. kaitlin and i were casually eating lunch on our porch after church when we hear this animal fight behind our house. we look over right as a troop of monkeys, about 20 - 25 in number, come running by our house fighting. right away, three of the teenage boys that live in the house across from us ran from their house screaming and chasing the monkeys back into the forest. well, one of the baby monkeys made the mistake of climbing into a nearby tree which two of the boys immediately started climbing in order to catch the monkey. word quickly spread that they were trying to get a new GSF pet and soon, lots of the teenagers were down around the tree with blankets to catch the monkey when he left the tree. long story short, the monkey jumped out of the trip and chloe jumped on the monkey. she had a hold on it for about three seconds before it wriggled its way out of her hands and into the forest. it was a very short lived dream of having a monkey as a pet.
• also on sunday, i got to dedicate daisy, the new toddler at GSF. GSF, once a month, has a worship service called family church and during that time, someone dedicates the new kids that came to GSF that month. i didn’t realize that i would get the opportunity to dedicate daisy until the middle of the church service when i was asked to pray for her. i was totally put on the spot but i am so glad i was given the opportunity to pray over her.
• funny medical story of the week: one of the GSF kids this week swallowed a pencil. i promise you just read that last sentence correctly. when i got the call from nurse ruth, i was a little confused as to what happened because all i heard was that she was waiting on “the poop to pass”. the child was given lots of food to soften her system and we basically waited to see the results of her decision. the pencil did in fact pass out of her system and the patient is feeling so much better.
• we also went to buikwe hospital for the second time to take some of our kids to get immunizations. it is always an interesting experience going to ugandan hospitals because of the obvious reason that i am a white girl with a troop of little black kids. so there are lots of deserved stares as we sit and wait for our turn to see the doctor or as i feed one of the babies with us a bottle of milk. you just have to chuckle when things like that happen.
• this weekend has probably been the most relaxing and the most necessary so far. the past two weeks have been very long and tiring and we were all in need of a little away time. on friday, we took a day off of work and went into kampala to celebrate hope’s birthday (one of the MKs here). we watched maleficent at a movie theater, ate amazing pizza, and walked around the mall. i almost convinced myself that i was back in america until we walked outside and there was a huge elephant statue out front. then on saturday, kaitlin and i went into town and went to a country club for lunch and wifi. it was so relaxing. right on the water of lake victoria with amazing green hills in the backdrop. a perfect day in my book. when we got back to GSF all the teenagers were running up to auntie claudia’s house for games and cake for hope’s late birthday party. the community here always encourages me and i love spending time laughing and making memories with these kids. 

if you want to actually see a little bit of what life is like during a week for us interns, my fellow intern, kaitlin, made an amazing video that just shows clips of things we see everyday. if you look closely, you can see me and you can even spot me and my baby joseph. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OYrH7faWNY

some quick prayer requests:

• i am feeling so much better than last week! praise! keep praying that my health improves and stays at 100%.
• pray that the interns would be taking time to be still with jesus everyday. that seems like such a basic thing to say but for me, my schedule becomes too big and full that i think i don’t have room for anything else. when in actuality, my quiet time with jesus should be number one on my schedule. pray that i would be more disciplined in that.
• pray for the ugandan leadership at GSF. there are several ugandans that are in positions of authority and because of their positions are called upon more to handle disciplinary issues and things like that. pray that they also find rest and that they have the wisdom to handle many different situations.

thank you so much for praying. you don’t understand how much it means to me to know that i have people at home taking my burdens to the feet of jesus. keep going prayer warriors. three more weeks until i am home!

it's about to get real.

sometimes life is hard. that is a fact of life. jesus promised us in john 16:33 that we would have trouble in this life. it has seemed this past week has been full of that sort of “trouble” that we are told about. i love this place with all my heart but it’s not perfect. i love the people here with all my heart but they aren’t perfect. imperfect places fall apart. imperfect people sin. (and i am not only talking about the people around me. i am just a part of this. i have never seen my sin more evidently than this past month here). it is very easy to get discouraged when you look at the imperfect places and the imperfect people to fill you up. yesterday was that day for me. i can’t trust in human medical ability to heal. i can’t trust in the beautiful children here to fill my heart. there are some success stories here in the medical field. and the children here do make me so happy when they yell my name and laugh so freely. but my heart isn’t full when those things happen.

my heart is full in jesus. 

yesterday was exhausting: it felt like i had been spiritually running a marathon and then, halfway through, stopped, realized what i was doing and skidded to an abrupt halt. my tank was at an all time low and i realized that i might not have been "in shape" to run the marathon. i think people could even see it physically on me. but thankfully, god’s promise doesn’t end at “you will have trouble”. he tells us to take heart because he has overcome the world! there is redemption in our story because of jesus. i don’t have to go to hospitals alone. i don’t have to handle fifteen different medical issues per day alone. i don’t have to love on these kids alone. jesus tells me to take heart because redemption is coming. at the end of the day yesterday, my heart was just drawn to several different psalms. and i just want to share some of the verses that really touched me. 

“You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound.” Psalm 4:7

“..you are my rock and my fortress; and for your name’s sake you lead me and you guide me..” Psalm 31:3

“So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.” Psalm 64:2-3

hard times happen. places fall apart. people disappoint. but there is redemption in those situations with jesus. and there is no reason for me to run this marathon alone. because on my own strength, i will fall and spiritually pass out. thankful that God doesn’t give up on my stubborn self. i am slow to learn some basic lessons. like i said, it’s about to get real.